In your current life or context, what provides the spark for the future you want to create? Where do you see your future beginning? (Author: Me)
Essentially I have been open, with no expectation but a positive attitude, to any “yes” and any “no” I’ve received. I really believe that the spark going forward is the confidence I’ve gained over the last year. The knowledge that I am making the right choices for me, and my children. I have to say that it has been a rewarding experience – though a very cerebral event.
I’ve recently come to realize that in order to protect myself, I’ve evolved into someone pragmatic and heartless. Not mean at all, but not engaged outside of my head. I have built an impenetrable wall around my heart. My thoughts and decisions are made completely with head and instinct, no feeling or connection to anything outside of those people I trust, fully. I have removed the risk of being hurt. I err on logical – realistic rather than romantic; kind rather than dramatic; grounded rather than dream-filled.
It took 20+ years to get to this point in the evolution of me. I imagine it will take a similar number of years to melt those walls and change ingrained habits of survival.
Someday there will come a time to turn "open" inward instead of just outward.
There will be a day when I rediscover my heart, but right now, the spark I need to go forward into the next phase will be to stay open - continue to learn and explore, maintain a positive and fun-loving attitude and keep my children focused on their goals and keep them safe in the pursuit.